There isn’t an elegant way to bumble through the darkness. Your mind dredges up haunting images that have nothing to do with the coffee tables you’re bound to slam into or the animals you might step on. Although, the yowl of a semi-flattened cat isn’t far off from the sounds that keep you out of the forest at night.
I’ve been meandering through this term like your dad making it through your childhood room, desperately trying to avoid the LEGOs that will destroy the lingering integrity of his foot. There must have been a moment where I drove into the parking lot at L&C and realized that I didn’t want to be back at school. I had never made it a consecutive year at any of the colleges I’ve been to. Until now.
I wasn’t lost in thoughts of travel or girls over the summer as I had been in years past. Instead, I juggled two jobs, managing to cram fifty to sixty hours of work into one week. I had lost all sense of the summer “normal” that graces those lucky enough to attend ridiculously overpriced academic institutions. Trader Joe’s and a Cryotherapy Sauna were my two homes for the summer. I spent more time between the two of those locations than anywhere else. I’m not sure I would have had it any other way though.
Once I start working, I don’t want to stop. That’s why I didn’t want to come back for my second year in Montana. My heart had already moved onto the next adventure. I no longer had to prove to myself that I could make it up here. In passing my own crucible, I crushed the magic spell that this place held over me.
I don’t know where I want to go next. But I do know that I want it to be energetic and full of humor. The core of who I am contains a goofy, honest energy. I believe that you are yourself at five, with all your experiences built around that energy. I hope that’s true because my younger-self was undaunted by all the societal cues I’ve managed to dance around or bull over.
absolutely dangerous 